Dear Carolyn,

I am new to town and I find myself at professional and social situations without knowing a soul. I tend to be shy anyway, and these situations are very intimidating for me. How does one enter a party, where you know no one, and develop social ties?

It is understandable that you are feeling overwhelmed by entering a new environment without anyone to introduce you around. Entering a party without social contacts present would be intimidating to anyone! Perhaps the strategy would be to develop a game plan before you walk in the door. Let's say, for example, you are entering a social event at a local art museum. Who are on the committee, why don't you google them and learn more about them. Perhaps there is an artist that's being featured, learn as much as you can about that artist for points of discussion. Do you have anyone you can encourage to go with you; it is sometimes easier with a “wing man/girl.” Read the newspaper to have other areas for discussion when entering into conversations. This kind of homework will allow you more confidence when walking in the door. Since you have done your homework, the people are not strangers anymore; you are familiar with some of them. The topics being discussed might be focused on the artist and you can feel free to jump in on those discussions.

Now that you are at the party don't think about making a social splash, the goal is to meet a few people and see if they are people who interest you. If you have a hard time breaking into a discussion then look for other people standing alone and introduce yourself. Take an interest in them without grilling them and then make sure you leave them wanting more. If you glom onto one person all night then they might avoid you in future situations. Try to meet as many people as possible. Another area where you can mingle easily is around the food or drink table. People frequently make idle chatter in these areas and it is an easy in to discuss the fare. Segue into another topic and you might get a nice conversation and perhaps an introduction to someone else.

Once you are involved in a group, social or professional, then there are always opportunities to volunteer in small group projects. This is an ideal way to develop social connections for when you do enter these parties in the future you have a whole group who you know. Some danger areas are gossiping. You never know what the history is in the room and you could really step into a landmine without meaning to. It's an easy way to connect, but not worth the potential problems.

Best of luck!