What does it take to make a scene? For some it’s a gym bag full of semi-automatic weapons and a death wish. For others, it’s a new Gucci purse and an invite to the Make-a-Wish Gala.  Either way, you’re gonna need some powerful ammo if you’re want to make the scene as memorable as you’d like it to be.

For the sake of argument, let’s just say you are more the Gucci individual and not the sociopath. That’s not saying that some Gucci-lovers aren’t sociopaths, but that’s another column. The stuff you need to stock up on doesn’t really come from a retail boutique or a good plastic surgeon. Anyone can acquire shallow, materialistic treasures and artificial body parts.  The South Florida social scene certainly has plenty of examples of that. The real stuff you need to arm yourself with are good social manners and a personality. Once you get past the obligatory introductions and compliments about your new handbag and/or tremendous saline appendages – you have to know how to carry a decent conversation. If you can’t do that and expect everyone else to entertain you with their witty banter, then you are never going to truly make the scene. It doesn’t matter if you’re a man, woman, Ivy League graduate or raised in a family of carnival freak show performers – you have to be able to talk. Some make the mistake of thinking that they can hide their weak social etiquette by hitting the dance floor and letting their hips do all the talking, but they’re wrong. The true social butterflies out there know that the key to making a positive connection relies on verbal skills, not salsa moves.

How many times has your initial attraction crashed like shopping carts at a Publix near Century Village once the other person utters words that in no way resemble a sentence? It’s shocking to every tiny neuron in your head. Nobody is that shallow to overlook the obvious fact what the tongue was created for. If this was a Penthouse Forum letter, we’d be talking about its other virtues, but it’s not. Being social requires poetry not porn. If your language is limited to dirty limericks, than you’re probably out of luck too. Of course, humor is a lethal weapon to fire off when it’s called for, but if you’re at a swanky event and you think rhyming “Lucy” and “Juicy” is going to go over well, than you need to turn in your passport to the social police right now.

It’s all pretty simple really. You look fabulous, get invited to the cool party, have moves that would humble a reality-show dance contestant, but you also need to add value to any conversation that floats your way. It’s also important to remember that the “scene” usually is attached to the word “social”. To make the scene you need to be social. If you can’t – you could always pack your Gucci gym bag full of semi-automatic weapons.